Corrupt a wish

For those who havent played, you have to grant the wish of the poster before you, but something goes wrong, then you post your wish!
example: 1st post: I wish i had a pony

2nd post: granted, but it dies of namonia
i wish i owned chuck norris

You go on in that format. I'll start:

i wish i had a banana!

It died of phenomnia

I'm just going to go ahead and skip Superman's post because I think he was just correcting you. So I'll start off of your post.

Granted, but it is 14 months old and covered in feces.
I wish that I was the richest person in the world.

granted but all your money is burnt.
I wish I had a tiger

granted but the tiger mauled you and gouged your eyes out.
I wish I had a girlfriend.

granted but shes as big as a whale
I wish I could fly

granted but your wings broke off
i wish i was a monkey

granted but the other monkeys ripped your arms off and beat you with them.
I wish I was a pro skater.

granted but all skateboards came 2 life and attacked you for putting them on the ground all the time
i wish i was 3 inches taller